Unwell
by Mukky
Summary: [Chapter 2!] Darkness lies within the deepest chambers of the heart, blind to the eyes of everyone it consumes. But when insanity strikes with such intensity, Riku lies within denial to the truth of his actions.
1. Simple Denial

Discliamer: In no shape or form do I have ownership over the characters of Kingdom Hearts, Disney or any associates with either company.. No matter how much I'd just love to encage Sora inside my closet [sigh].  
  
Warning: Contains shounen-ai references, violence and eventually yaoi. If you are offended by malexmale relationships, I do not suggest you read this fic.  
  
Notes: Made for a friend; she is my seme, I am her lover, and she gives me great yaoi. Notice within the fic that this follows after the closure of Kingdom Hearts, but Riku has returned to Destiny Islands. As well, I don't hate Kairi, I just find her presence unnecessary. All the time.  
  
---  
  
I wish I knew how it all began, or at least had a vague idea to where the path had parted. It seemed like eons had past from the unforgettable days I spent in the company of Sora and Kairi, admiring endless sunsets but empty skies; there was always something more I was desiring from my shallow world. A private resident of my mind, I was forced to witness the events come and go like day-dreams, simple rustling through the leaves of my physical home.  
  
But nothing seemed as awkward and misplaced as my return to Destiny Islands. Though countless years felt to pass, only two or three honestly had, and I was forced to experience the delay of emotional release. Watching Sora and myself grow farther apart, but Kairi and Sora become closer together, I felt heavy envy and almost little remorse for my cruel thoughts.  
  
Yet I had never intended it to end so violently; a neglected wooden sword resting easily against my palm, the wind twisted the stained skirt against crimson thighs. My aqua gaze searched the motionless figure as it lay sprawled upon the bank of the island, threatening to teeter into the sea. Practical Sense screamed for reason; I made little reply.  
  
Kneeling beside the broken form, I prodded it thoughtfully with the blunt end of the sword, surveying toward the open gash upon a previously clean temple. The clouded gaze that now reflected the evening sea reminded me of another's eyes, though I knew within time, they would be nothing of the sort. I could feel the heat still rising from a dying spirit, and even it would soon begin to cool.  
  
Dropping my weapon at their side, I stood and retreated to my nearby perch, musing my options. Obviously, there would be no hiding the corpse, and news would spread quickly, like a forest-fire. It didn't occur to me then that I could possibly dump the body into the ocean, though there would be a high chance it would simply wash ashore again - if not later. And as well, I hadn't considered those of assistance, but then even the choice of action had been abrupt and spontaneous.  
  
But it was all her fault. Entirely her fault.  
  
***  
  
The island had always been mine; separated from where the children of the Destiny Islands roamed, it was always a rare event to see me absent from my station. And like the island, which was mine, Sora had been in my possession as well. We were always two individuals, always together, never apart - until she decided to come. She was a rip in our friendship, the chaos to our solitude. But because Sora had welcomed her with opened arms and an opened mind, I chose to suffer in silence, simply praying he might chance to notice.  
  
Even as time continued, and we shared a strange relationship, I don't believe I had grown to like her. But without fail, I noticed her attraction toward my Sora, and felt threatened. Yet it seemed, in return, he shared the attention, oblivious that his best friend was drowning in a lonely abyss. But I am sure it was simply her influence that blinded him.  
  
Sitting upon my island, fingertips idly caressing the hard shell of a paopu fruit, I had been pondering my plans for the evening. Sora and I had scheduled a bit of private time from the usual agenda to spend time together; we hadn't done that in so long. Selphie said it was because I was different. I made sure Selphie never mentioned it again.  
  
Kairi's approach was noticed, but ignored, though it startled me when she decided to gape stupidly over my shoulder. But her shadow eventually roused me from the deep chambers of my thoughts and I jumped, recoiling away from her. She giggled, as if oblivious to my reaction, though I could tell by the ugly display of affections upon her expression she knew what had crossed my mind. Why she could read me like a book, I never knew. But I'll never know now, will I?  
  
"What are you doing out here at this time of night, Riku?" she had asked, proceeding to cross around the paopu tree so she could stand before me. Nails grinding into the yellow exterior, I felt the fruit shift against my palm. Her company was becoming a nuisance already.  
  
"I should ask you the same thing," I replied without enthusiasm, turning my attention instead to the five-pointed object within my hand. Fiddling with a leaf, I willed for her to find better motives to pursue, instead of being an obvious pain in my ass. But she remained, arms tucked behind her back in their usual manner, a thick smile upon her face. How disgustingly sweet she always pretended to be.  
  
"It's strange, you know, that there's hardly been anyone around these days.. I mean, Wakka and Tidus have completely disappeared, and I haven't heard from Selphie." Smiling bitterly to myself, I thought of the exploded blitzball that had previously dirtied the white sands of our beloved beach. I had grown weary of the red-head and his lack of conversation with me. I didn't like to be disliked, but I had managed to fix that, even if his screams still pierced the white-wash of the ocean.  
  
Tidus, on the other hand.. Had been much like Selphie. He mentioned me far too frequently for comfort, yet after witnessing the endless proposals of battle with my Sora, I had come to a decision. He, resembling Wakka and Selphie's predicaments, had been a threat. He intimidated my comfort with my dear friend, and with much persuasion, he had fallen into the deadly clutches of the coral reef just off the south bank of the island.  
  
"Yes.. Very strange.." The fruit collapsed as my fingers pierced it's coating, a thin juice dribbling against my flesh. It's sour fragrance caused Kairi's face to wretch with disgust, though it may have been from the mere violence I had shown to the inanimate object. Or maybe it was the simple reminder of how blissfully moronic she honestly was. But that was just my intuition speaking.  
  
"I guess I shouldn't think much about it." Since when did she contain a reasonable thought? "If you nor Sora seems bothered by their absence.. I won't be, either!" Attention deaf and dumb from the lack of decent conversation, I had forced a smile for the sake of my sanity. But the mentioning of Sora's concern did cause a slight perk to my sub-conscious, yet the information was tucked aside for possible later use.  
  
As I turned back to face her, having briefly distracted myself with the toss of the injured paop fruit, I found the point of an ancient wooden sword pressed against the tip of my nose. Inquiring explanation, I glanced toward her vivacious but blonde expression, resisting the urge to promptly roll my eyes. I could feel she was toying with me, yet I was without proper evidence to discover what great extensions it would last.  
  
"I found it in the forest," she explained, rolling it against her palm as she offered it to me. The pointed end directed toward the crest of her heart, she was again unaware to the vicious thought that crossed my mind. But I retrieved it from her possession, regardless, and admired it's small shape in comparison to my memories. Funny, it seemed, how such a plain object could hold extreme representation to my childhood. How many hours had I spent with Sora, teasingly sparring as he made his failed attempts for victory?  
  
"You use to practice with that a lot, didn't you?" Lifting my gaze from the splintered wood, I blinked absently before shrugging. Did she honestly believe she could fool me with her curious questions? I was desperate to know why she desired to watch my mental squirm of frustration while she taunted me. How long would the child's play continue?  
  
"Here and there," I answered simply, tapping it against my knuckles. It had been a wonderful toy during my early teens, and a way to pass the time. Kairi had never found interest in the sport, though it had only made her more of an outsider to the eyes of the islanders. She hadn't done much of anything, honestly, other than hang upon my Sora with her sickenly fake affection. But I could never blame the chocolate youth for his sincerity, and the generous will to allow her the opportunity - nay, privilege - to simply receive his attention.  
  
"Sora must have, too.. He became so talented over the years. Being the keyblade master, defeating the darkness, and correcting the wrongs of the universe." It was playful drabble. I hadn't been listening. "We've come so far since then. And I love him."  
  
Her voice cease to be; I watched her speak, I realized there was audible sound, yet there was no registry that she was emitting noise. The truth had dawned, and I had understood why she chose to be there, upon that island, with me. She had been mocking me, teasing me, pointing the information into my face that I had no intentions of acknowledging. And even as a sadistic grin emphasized the light of the silence, I felt the threads of my sanity plucking away, one by one.  
  
Lunging from my seat, the sword whined through the air as it fell against her cheek. Her head snapped and she tumbled to the earth, temporary dizzy with pain and confusion. She groaned, rolling upon her back without realizing her mistake. I fell against her knees, squatted and stabbed the sword into her lower gut. Arching from the collision, blood emerged from the wound as I drove the wood through cloth and skin, amazed by my own furious strength.  
  
Penetration complete, I removed the sword and as she opened her mouth to speak, beat it against the side of her face. Tears began to flow against her bruised cheeks, though I could not hear her sobs. The midnight waves drowned away her cries as I painted her tender flesh hues of blue, enthused by the blotches I could create with proper angles and twists of my wrists. I prayed for nothing more than the strength to rearrange her face, though the bone would shatter, her teeth would break and she would no longer be a pretty princess of anything.  
  
But I eventually became bored with my game, and with a final blow to her temple, she crumbled beneath me. My chest fell and rose with heavy labor, beads of sweat coating my visible flesh. Slowly, I rose from her corpse, teetering back a step and gently pushed her upon her side. She flopped over easily, bathed within the crimson of her blood, though it painted my clothes as well.  
  
After neglecting it briefly with my choice of weapon, I dropped it to her side and retreated to the sanctuary of my perch. Watching the wind groan against the lifeless obstacle, and soothed by the melody of the sea, I lost myself with time, and insanity, cradled by my pleasant thoughts.  
  
I hadn't noticed his approach, either, as he stepped from the bridge, soundless as he was breathless. His cerulean gaze must have swept across the broken form of the girl he had so frequently been seen with, but even then, he said nothing. Instead, he had approached me and stood in the wake of my shadow, waiting through the tense moments for me to realize he lingered nearby.  
  
But it wasn't until I had turned to leave that I saw him behind me, and I paused, faulted by the empty expression of his handsome face. He peered past me, briefly, before righting himself to make eye-contact; my beautiful Sora had come to witness my handy-work. I had done it all for him, the blood that had been spilled had been for my heroic angel, and I hadn't allowed anything to stand in my way.  
  
Yet I felt hesitant by the silence that stretched between us. His lack of speech angered me, as I felt I was in need of congratulations, praise, any sort of support that would reveal the light to the sins I may have committed. But they had been meant to be dealt with. Their existence had been meaningless for anything else.  
  
"Riku..." I smiled to the call of my name; to hear it roll from his tongue, to watch the tender lips I longed to caress, it was all because of this moment. I knew he would not be disappointed, though maybe concerned for the need to resort to violence, but he would see it my way, eventually. My Sora had saved me once from the clutches of darkness, he wouldn't allow me to fall back into them. Sora was my savior. I was trying to be his.  
  
"..We need to talk."  
  
---  
  
HARHAR. I am evil. Chapter 2 to come. 


	2. Hideous Love

Discliamer: In no shape or form do I have ownership over the characters of Kingdom Hearts, Disney or any associates with either company.. No matter how much I'd just love to encage Sora inside my closet [sigh].  
  
Warning: Contains shounen-ai references, violence and eventually yaoi. If you are offended by malexmale relationships, I do not suggest you read this fic.  
  
Notes: Made for a friend; she is my seme, I am her lover, and she gives me great yaoi. Notice within the fic that this follows after the closure of Kingdom Hearts, but Riku has returned to Destiny Islands. As well, I don't hate Kairi, I just find her presence unnecessary. All the time.  
  
---  
  
Obediently, I offered a sick smile to the simple mentioning of a conversation; my Sora had finally come. No longer would his attention be drawn to the broken figure of the late foreigner. Finally, after all this time, after all my suffering, he would be mine. And only mine.  
  
Slowly, he came forward, pausing at my side briefly then he approached Kairi. He crouched, delicate fingertips grazing her cold flesh before he lifted an inquiring gaze toward me. Then brushing his hand against the cotton of his shorts, he retreated back to my side, a frown gracing his handsome face.  
  
"Sora?" I asked, raising a hand as my knuckles caressed his cheek. Yet he leaned away from them, cerulean gaze cold as stone, fingers tightly wrapped around my wrist. But I felt no need for alarm; I had expected him to be uncomfortable.  
  
"Riku.. What have you done?" he asked, brow dipping beneath the heavy spikes. He inclined his head slightly, eyes surveying the spray of blood on my pants before gradually climbing upward. I caught his chin, guiding his attention back to mine once more, and smiled numbly. A shiver tumbled down my spine, cartwheeling with static joy.  
  
"I have cleaned the filth that once threatened your existence," I replied, a finger tracing his lips. His lashes fluttered, but then reminded of the corpse behind him, he drew away, possibly even sulked. I knew he was reluctant to escape my touch.  
  
"But.. that's not how you do it, Riku. You don't.. Just kill people." Apparently breathless, I smiled a bit to his attempt. The evening wind rustled his sleep clothes, or at least what little he wore. Island weather had always been mild, the humidity perfect for a cool starless night, accompanied by a slow, rolling breeze.  
  
"I had no other choice, Sora. They were threats, I had to deal with them before it was out of my control." Reaching forward, I caught hold of his shirt, gently tugging him to me. Arms carefully draped around his waist, I smiled to his wide, calculative gaze, unable to resist my urges.  
  
He was nothing short of beautiful; paled by the bright moonlight above, a slight hue of rose spread across his cheeks. Lips pouted, expression touched by innocent confusion, he searched my expression expectantly, resting easily in my arms. I could feel the heat of his body through his clothes, warm against my skin.  
  
"Oh Sora.. I desire nothing more than for you to be mine," I whispered, though it was caught in the passing wind. Tenderly, my lips sought his and my fingers lost themselves within the mass of his chocolate tresses. He tensed, surprised before he relaxed against my chest, arms raised slightly. I didn't have to question his hesitation, I had known he would be confused. But nothing would keep me from my Sora.  
  
Yet a splash behind us sounded, and he promptly disappeared from my grasp. Leaning over the bank of the island, figure rigid and gaze wide, he gaped with obvious horror; Kairi had dropped into the ocean. Moving to stand beside him, I cast a glance over his shoulder to see her begin to sink, drawn further out to sea by the rock of the waves. From his throat, he made a choked sound, at a loss for words. Had it been the beauty of the situation, I hadn't known, but it only seemed more perfect now. Environment had rid myself of one problem.  
  
Embracing the younger male from behind, I chanced a kiss against his throat before greedily rising to nibble upon his earlobe. The sound immediately came to a halt and he melted against my grasp, knees slightly buckled. We sank to the floor of the island, Sora positioned between my thighs as I teased his ear, and bruised the soft flesh of his neck. He was delicious, and I desired to leave no bare patch of his figure untouched. I would not be denied what I so fondly admired.  
  
Sprawled upon his back, knees hiked against his sides, I leaned into him, rhythm healthy, even and strong. He moaned into the curve of his arm as he laid it against his mouth, though it couldn't muffle his rising wail. Bodies slick with sweat, I smiled to the smaller boy beneath me, alive with bliss.  
  
It didn't occur to me to wonder why Sora would allow the penetration or sacrifice of himself after witnessing the apparent death of his friend. But it was easily over-looked; it was perfect, he seemed pleased and I was happy. I had finally gained the one thing I had spent all my energy into earning. Sora was mine, and I wouldn't allow myself to let him go.  
  
He hadn't been a virgin, I knew for a fact. We had spent previous months toying with idle curiosity, for the sake of passing the time. But it may had been that which spawned my longing, my affections, yet I do not know for sure. Days had lulled by, cradled by the sea, as my bewilderment for my actions grew, and my sanity began to cease. Kairi in the presence of Sora drove me mad, I hadn't enjoyed the idea of being left behind by some girl who knew nothing of my Sora. Why had he given her the chance to steal him away? Why hadn't he noticed it was him I couldn't be without?  
  
It was his fault, his fault they died. I did it all for him; Wakka, Tidus, Selphie.. People I considered to have been my friends, individuals who hadn't given me a painful moment of my life. They had stepped into my path, in my way, driven me to believe they were sinners and needed to repent. They exploited my Sora, they had attempted to spoil him with bad behavior. But he was perfect, he'd remain perfect and I would first die before I let anyone change him.  
  
"Sora.." I moaned, leaning over him as his arm fell from his mouth. Lips pressed to his, my tongue found dominance in his domain, a hand absently traveling the firm torso below, a south-bound journey. His arms wrapped around my throat, he tugged upon my silver tressed, fingertips tightly caged in tangles.  
  
His release came mere moments before mine, and I felt brief pain as his grip upon my hair tightened. But the pain was escatic, and I had no desire to stop, though the deed was done. I had made Sora mine, he had accepted it, he had enjoyed it; but now it was over. I didn't want to stop. I had no desire to stop. So why had I?  
  
Looking down upon him, he forced a grin, lashes heavy with sweat. It had been a wonderful experience, and thoughtfully, I traced circles where my kisses had previously lingered. He shuddered beneath me, aroused by the simple brush of my fingertip. How gorgeous he was, lying beneath me, strained by sexual relief. It had been so wonderful, though I knew the experience had to end.  
  
Withdrawing, I simply towered over him, his thighs supported against my knees. Moments of heavy silence issued between us as either fought to catch out breath, suffering from slight suffocation.  
  
"Oh Sora.." I brushed my lips across his, and he sighed contently, a hand lifting to follow the length of my arm.  
  
"What you did..." he murmured, pausing as he closed his eyes. I waited, expectingly, realizing now I would receive my praise. Now he would show appreciation for what I had done, he would tell me he was happy, he would support me. He would understand what I had done had been for him, and only him. I was not a sinner, nor a murderer. Simply one fighting for the sake of broken love.  
  
"..Was wrong." Bewilderment must have been apparent as I shrank away from him, expression ugly with desperation. Gaping openly toward the naked, chocolate youth, I waited for an explanation for his sudden betrayal. He had allowed me to exploit him, to become familiar with each curve and dip of his body. And yet he would tell me what I had done was wrong?  
  
"You can't kill people.. because you think they're a threat. They were innocent of child's play. And you killed them out of misassumption." He sat up, folding a leg before him, gaze fixated upon mine. A frown touched his lips to a thought and he shook his head with disgrance, emitting a slight sigh.  
  
"We'll have to notify the police.. I'll have them do a search for the bodies. You'll receive help, Riku, there's people out there who can honestly help you-" I couldn't stand to hear him. Palms pressed against my ears, I tried to drown out his voice; this was not what I had expected. This wasn't the praise I desired. He wasn't grateful, he was an isolated little brat. Nothing more than a pampered poodle! How dare he betray me!  
  
I was on him so abruptly, I might have flown. Sword gathered from the ground and clutched in my hand, I bellowed an enraged howl as I buried it into his chest. His cerulean gaze sparked wide and he convulsed against the wooden toy. Inaudibly, he searched my face, a hand raised to grope blindly at the air before. I ripped the sword from his torso, listening to him gurgle as it was drawn from his flesh.  
  
"Sora.. Oh Sora.." Gathering him into my arms, he laid limp against my chest, head rested easily upon my shoulder. He breathed shallowly, and I wondered if I had pierced a lung. "..I love you so much Sora. I did it for you. I did it to save you from those monsters.. But they've infected you.. Oh my Sora.. They've infected you."  
  
The tears flowed freely and I sobbed bitterly as I laid him upon the ground. He regarded me with cloudy eyes, and gingerly, I lifted blood- stained fingers to stroke his cheek. But I smiled, the thought of releasing my Sora from his nightmare soothing my pain. I was helping him. I was setting him free.  
  
"I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you.. I tried, Sora, I tried so hard to protect you from them.." We shared a final kiss, though his lips paled with crimson. He would be released from this torment, he would finally be able to roam the heavens without suffering from the responsibility to keep peace within the universe. My Sora would finally receive his wings.  
  
I stood, watching his blood paint the sand before retreating back a few steps. He gurgled, though the wind carried it from my ears and the rise and fall of his chest gradually decreased. The angels were coming to take him from me, though I had deliberately sacrificed his tortured spirit. He would no longer be burdened by the sins of others, and forver would he be my Sora.  
  
But I didn't intend for him to go alone. Departing to the edge of the island, I stood, my heels balanced over the bank. I rocked back and forth, thoughtfully, considering my options. Would the angry ocean swallow me as it had Kairi, and beat me aside the beach until I too, was lifeless? I had little to live for, with my love, my Sora, gone from this world.  
  
Arms levitated from my sides, I fell. I allowed the wind to engulf me as I dropped toward the sea, awaiting it's icy depths to inhale me into it's vacuum. Now the blood would be cleaned from my hands, I would no longer be reminded of their presences. They would not haunt me, and I wouldn't survive to see the light of the next day.  
  
Impact came suddenly as I hit the floor of my room, groaning to realize the entanglement of my legs inside my blankets. A leg fast asleep, my hips rolled from the sanctuary of my bed before I collapsed against the cool wood. Blindly, I searched my surroundings with thought, questioning the change before righting myself. Then returning to my bed, I recalculated the past events, gaze idly searching the ceiling.  
  
A reoccurring dream.. Though infrequent, I had experienced the death of my island friends on more than one occasion. Gruesome, bloody-thirsty, merciless.. I had become a monster within the private chambers of my nightmare.  
  
Casting a glance toward the window, I could hear Tidus calling enthusiastically toward Wakka to take a private walk upon the separate island. Sunlight streamed through the curtains and sighing, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Details of the dream began to fade, as it normally did, and soon I would hardly remember much about it. It was only after I first wake that it is freshest in my mind, and disgustingly vivid.  
  
"Riku!" The call of a familiar voice forced my attention to the door as Sora made his entrance, the wooden structure swinging shut behind him. "Do you plan to sleep all day or are you avoiding me?" He paused at my bedsie, hand balanced against his hip with an inquiring expression upon his face.  
  
Rolling my eyes, I caught his wrist and tugged him down upon me. He fell, easily, and though briefly confused, rested comfortably against my chest. I wrapped my arms around his figure and leaned into the pillow, soothed by the presence of my love. He traced circles upon my bare chest with a finger, though I felt his eyes watching me as they usually did whenever I lacked conversation.  
  
"Riku.. Are you ok?" he asked, toeing his shoes off. They hit the floor with a heavy thud before his entire weight rested upon mine, a simple blanket the only boundary between us.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine," I replied nonchalantly as I guided his lips to mine, blinded by the pleasant sensation of him allowing the affection to issue. Yet he accepted the invitation and his tongue plunged into my mouth greedily, seeking a worthy battle. Already, I could feel his arousement begin to peak as his hands seeked to travel, gently rolling a nipple between fore-finger and thumb.  
  
He crawled beneath the blanket, stripping from his clothes and hungrily devoured my figure as he caressed and bruised my flesh. He was sexually driven, a mad-chocolate youth which extreme raging hormones and the delightful taste for his best friend.  
  
I decided, even just this once, he could reign dominant. He would be the one in control instead of on the receiving end of the bargain.  
  
And had he decided one day to bury a sword to the hilt into my chest, I would provide him the weapon. Though my dream would continue in the months to follow without given explanation, I understand at least a fragment of what it meant. I would go to any lengths to see my Sora happy, and to see him safe.  
  
With Sora fast asleep at my side, physically, emotionally and sexually drained, I rolled my head against the pillow. Resting easily against my bed- side table stood the crimson stained sword, it's wood chipped and neglected. For a moment, I allowed my attention to capture the image before my gaze returned to the lovely boy sleeping nearby.  
  
His chest rose and fell with a steady rhythm; without a doubt, I knew he was real. But the sword was not. It was a figment of my imagination, taken from the nightmare realm where I dwelled on a rare evening, reliving the torment of darkness that could have been my life.  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.  
  
--  
  
Look. I'm not evil. A happy ending. Go me. 


End file.
